Zombie

  1. An inexplicably popular, somewhat dead but not really dead, fictional character
  2. Focus of an unlikely global con carried out by AMC

Usage Example: “Did you catch last night’s episode of that zombie show? A few humans fought a bunch of zombies. It was great.”

Background: Approximately five years ago, the world lost its collective brains, and decided that it loved zombies. The cable network AMC somehow convinced large numbers of seemingly normal adults that zombies are interesting. This caused highly-functioning people to dress up like zombies at parties and 5K races, for some reason.

Experts often debate whether dressing up like zombies or Star Wars characters is more depressing. So far, Star Wars has a small lead, but the zombies are beginning to catch up. When they finally do catch up to Star Wars, the zombies plan to eat the brains of Jar Jar Binks and Lando Calrissian first.

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BuzzFeed

  1. Internet-based service providing assessments for users to finally determine their 90s movie persona
  2. Internet based service providing videos of people trying different foods, for some reason
  3. Internet based service providing random news stories, mixed in with multiple lists about why it’s good to be short
  4. Internet based service providing thousands of lists composed entirely of annoying GIFs

Usage Example: “Thanks to BuzzFeed, I finally have the answer to how well I know the theme from “A Different World”.

Background: BuzzFeed is a powerful player in the crowded world of narcissistic news, video, quiz and recipe providers. By all accounts, BuzzFeed is the primary ADD news provider to the key 15-19 year old demographic. BuzzFeed is also successful in luring in an older audience to take their quizzes, make their recipes and read hundreds of lists about 90s products.

Of all of the random, GIF based content on BuzzFeed, the quizzes are the cornerstone of its offerings. Buzzfeed offers a mind numbing array of “me-based” quizzes designed to provide the children of helicopter parents with answers that can’t be found anywhere else. They are the only online quiz service courageous enough to offer a method of determining which Guy Fieri catchphrase matches your Zodiac sign. Finally. Thank you, BuzzFeed.

Whenever you are concerned about the future of our nation and the world, remember that BuzzFeed is providing our news and information. Then go hide under a table and await the apocalypse… while you take a quiz to determine which tv show apartment you should live in.