- Product designed to hide large amounts of candy amongst a few nuts and seeds
- A game of “Where’s Waldo?” in a bag – allowing consumers to hunt for all of the M&Ms hidden behind useless cashews
Usage Example: “Do you know if Target carries that trail mix with Sour Patch Kids? I’m starting a diet, so I’m swapping candy for trail mix.”
Background: Trail mix is a product that is specially designed to allow non-hikers to eat large amounts of candy without feeling bad about it. The basic trail mix formula is:
- 1 part nuts
- 1 part seeds
- 1 part raisins
- 2 parts dried fruit encrusted in sugar
- 50 parts chocolate chips
- 50 parts M&Ms
Some claim that trail mix was designed to meet the high caloric needs of hikers. However, studies show that less than .01% of all trail mix ever finds its way to the trail. Trail mix is actually a clever way to make people feel better about eating candy. Independent research has concluded that most trail mix is consumed while lying on sofas, hunting for candy and binge-watching The Golden Girls.
- Edible landing pad for flies and other insects
- Event containing a high volume of confirmed potato salad sightings
- Opportunity to eat food outdoors, while constantly holding down napkins and paper plates
Usage Example: “I love to go on picnics!… until I actually get there.”
Background: Picnics are a lot like communism. They look like great ideas on paper, but they don’t work in the real world.
The picnic process contains the following steps:
- Plan and pack food and beverages, such as: salad, potato salad, pasta salad, egg salad, and any other salad that the picnickers wouldn’t normally eat at home, but think that they will enjoy in the wilderness for some reason.
- Hope is doesn’t rain… Hope it isn’t too hot… Hope it isn’t too windy…Hope that the conditions outdoors are exactly like the conditions indoors.
- Drag 30lbs of food and beverages to the wilderness.
- Find a dry place to sit down and begin unpacking food.
- Dodge insects.
- Spend the duration of the picnic pretending to like warm potato salad.
- Spend the duration of the picnic shielding eyes from the blazing sun.
- Spend the duration of the picnic trying to eat while simultaneously keeping napkins and paper plates from blowing away.
- Spend the duration of the picnic trying to eat while constantly swatting at flies.
- Frantically pack everything up when the rain starts.
- Drive away from the wilderness.
- On the way home, stop at the Wendy’s drive-through to get some food.