Super Glue

  1. A super method of conjoining multiple fingers
  2. Product used to create a super annoying, hard shell on human fingertips
  3. Adhesive product sold to people who live life without fear
  4. Disappointing super hero

Usage Example: “I worked so hard to keep that super glue off of my fingers! Why? Why!? I hate you, super glue shell!”

Background: Super glue is a strong adhesive product that is sold in unreasonably tiny quantities to people who live life on the edge.

Super glue bottles are often so small, that the product’s volume is measured in grams. These measurements allow super glue buyers to pretend that they are actually buying illegal drugs or black-market diamonds.

Super glue consumers live life in the fast lane. They have already made a determination that normal glue won’t meet their needs. They seek the most powerful products available. Super glue consumers laugh in the face of danger. They stare down the adhesive product in the tiny, futuristic bottle with no fear of permanently attaching a couple of fingers. They exhibit no trepidation about the fingertip shell that certainly awaits them.

However, despite the boldness of the super glue user, the endgame is always the same. Super glue doesn’t successfully hold the broken product together, but it does successfully hold a few fingers together.

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Office Refrigerator

  1. A cold, monolithic block of food, food-like substances and coffee creamer found in large offices
  2. The hottest real estate market in the world
  3. A hotbed of criminal activity

Usage Example: “After two hours of searching, I finally found my Lunchables – pinned behind seven half-empty bottles of ranch dressing, deep within the office refrigerator.”

Background:  Places like San Francisco and Orange County are often cited as hot real estate markets. The demand for space in these markets is extreme. However, there is no hotter real estate market than the office refrigerator.

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In medium to large sized offices, staff members come to work every morning to play a high-stakes game of “Refrigerator Jenga”. Every cubic inch of space must be utilized, and every item is fair game to be moved. That caprese salad that started in the front right corner of the middle shelf at 8:00 am, inevitably finds itself sideways and in the back left corner by 9:00 am. Competition for prime, door-front property is fierce and space is at a premium.

The office refrigerator is also a magnet for criminal activity. Grand Theft Leftovers is a strange, sad, but all-too-common crime. Grievously, most of these crimes go unsolved, and determining a motive for stealing half-eaten, leftover Riblets is simply impossible.