Trail Mix

  1. Product designed to hide large amounts of candy amongst a few nuts and seeds
  2. A game of “Where’s Waldo?” in a bag – allowing consumers to hunt for all of the M&Ms hidden behind useless cashews

Usage Example: “Do you know if Target carries that trail mix with Sour Patch Kids? I’m starting a diet, so I’m swapping candy for trail mix.”

Background: Trail mix is a product that is specially designed to allow non-hikers to eat large amounts of candy without feeling bad about it. The basic trail mix formula is:

  • 1 part nuts
  • 1 part seeds
  • 1 part raisins
  • 2 parts dried fruit encrusted in sugar
  • 50 parts chocolate chips
  • 50 parts M&Ms

Some claim that trail mix was designed to meet the high caloric needs of hikers. However, studies show that less than .01% of all trail mix ever finds its way to the trail. Trail mix is actually a clever way to make people feel better about eating candy. Independent research has concluded that most trail mix is consumed while lying on sofas, hunting for candy and binge-watching The Golden Girls.

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Blue Raspberry

  1. Key player in a FIFA scandal
  2. The adopted color of an underrepresented fruit with deep pockets

Usage Example: “It’s a blue popsicle… of course it’s raspberry flavored.”

Background: In the early 1980s, the American food industry held its famous “Who Wants to be a Blue Fruit” contest. Food manufacturers had long desired to offer a blue colored fruit flavor, and this was the contest that would award the color blue to a deserving fruit. Blueberry was the early favorite and was expected to coast to an easy win. This was likely because blueberries are actually blue. However, the food world was rocked by the final decision.

The former president of the Food Industry Formulation Association (FIFA), Sepp Blatter, announced that the color blue would be awarded to the raspberry. The world was shocked. Raspberries do have a little known variety that is purple, but blueberry clearly made the most sense. However, in the world of FIFA, logic doesn’t matter. The raspberry lobby had deep pockets, and they bought their way into the big time.

One day raspberry is an anonymous fruit, the next day it’s a famous blue flavor. Today, whenever anyone eats blue candy, they assume that it is raspberry flavored. We can thank FIFA for that.

Nerds

  1. Tiny, waxy pieces of candy gravel
  2. Fun and easy way of ingesting car wax

Usage Example: “Did you put your mouth on this box of Nerds?”

Background:  All kids love to eat rocks. The trailblazing candy developers at Nestle banked on this premise when they created Nerds candy.

Today, Nerds are the top selling candy in the crowded “candy gravel” market. Nerds combine all the fun of eating handfuls of gravel, with the benefits of ingesting Turtle Wax. Nerds contain a substance called carnauba wax. This wax is commonly used in shoe polish and car wax. The public has long demanded that car wax enter the candy market, and Nerds is one of the products to make it happen.

Nerds are often sold in cardboard boxes with two separate compartments. This allows two flavors of Nerds to be packaged together. This packaging also invites kids to put their mouths on the box when eating them. Always assume that anyone offering you an open box of Nerds has already put their mouths on the box.

In the days following the initial release of Nerds candy, the public wondered how long it would take until Nestle decided to plaster Nerds all over a gummy rope. The answer is: way too long. Finally, the makers of Nerds caved to the inevitable and released the Nerds Rope. It was only a matter of time.