Parenting

  1. Act of voluntary insanity
  2. The process of filling a house with one’s loud, filthy little clones

Usage Example: “My next parenting milestone will be to successfully get at least 25% of my kids’ lunches into their mouths… Instead of on the floor, chairs, table, clothing, wall, ceiling, toys, siblings, AC vents, school papers, etc.”

Background: At some point (or points) in the lives of many couples, babies are born or adopted. At this time, parents begin the extended period of temporary insanity known as “parenting.”

Parenting has many side effects. These side effects include: sleeplessness, bargaining, yelling, excessive cleaning and even watching children’s television. Some parents have also been observed wearing their children in elaborate harnesses, and many others cart their children around in nylon wheelbarrows known as “strollers.”

Parenting also causes normally sane adults to utter bizarre statements. These statements include:

  1. Hey! Are you doing what I think you’re doing? Not again. Stop eating ants!
  2. Are you stinky? Someone’s stinky. Who’s stinky?
  3. Open wide. Just take one bite. Please. Take this bite. Open up! Here comes the airplane!.. Come on! Open up! I give up. Go ahead. Starve. See what I care… Just take this bite! If you want chocolate, you’ll take this bite.
  4. There’s new episodes of Wild Kratts on all this week! Set the DVR!
  5. No, you can’t wear a cape to the store. <screaming> Sigh… OK, wear the cape.
  6. If you don’t kick and scream at the doctor’s office, we’ll all go out for ice cream!
  7. Stop screaming! I’ll pay you anything to stop screaming. What do you want? Anything! It’s yours! Just stop screaming.
Advertisements

One thought on “Parenting

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s