- Edible landing pad for flies and other insects
- Event containing a high volume of confirmed potato salad sightings
- Opportunity to eat food outdoors, while constantly holding down napkins and paper plates
Usage Example: “I love to go on picnics!… until I actually get there.”
Background: Picnics are a lot like communism. They look like great ideas on paper, but they don’t work in the real world.
The picnic process contains the following steps:
- Plan and pack food and beverages, such as: salad, potato salad, pasta salad, egg salad, and any other salad that the picnickers wouldn’t normally eat at home, but think that they will enjoy in the wilderness for some reason.
- Hope is doesn’t rain… Hope it isn’t too hot… Hope it isn’t too windy…Hope that the conditions outdoors are exactly like the conditions indoors.
- Drag 30lbs of food and beverages to the wilderness.
- Find a dry place to sit down and begin unpacking food.
- Dodge insects.
- Spend the duration of the picnic pretending to like warm potato salad.
- Spend the duration of the picnic shielding eyes from the blazing sun.
- Spend the duration of the picnic trying to eat while simultaneously keeping napkins and paper plates from blowing away.
- Spend the duration of the picnic trying to eat while constantly swatting at flies.
- Frantically pack everything up when the rain starts.
- Drive away from the wilderness.
- On the way home, stop at the Wendy’s drive-through to get some food.