Picnic

  1. Edible landing pad for flies and other insects
  2. Event containing a high volume of confirmed potato salad sightings
  3. Opportunity to eat food outdoors, while constantly holding down napkins and paper plates

Usage Example: “I love to go on picnics!… until I actually get there.”

Background: Picnics are a lot like communism. They look like great ideas on paper, but they don’t work in the real world.

The picnic process contains the following steps:

  1. Plan and pack food and beverages, such as: salad, potato salad, pasta salad, egg salad, and any other salad that the picnickers wouldn’t normally eat at home, but think that they will enjoy in the wilderness for some reason.
  2. Hope is doesn’t rain… Hope it isn’t too hot… Hope it isn’t too windy…Hope that the conditions outdoors are exactly like the conditions indoors.
  3. Drag 30lbs of food and beverages to the wilderness.
  4. Find a dry place to sit down and begin unpacking food.
  5. Dodge insects.
  6. Spend the duration of the picnic pretending to like warm potato salad.
  7. Spend the duration of the picnic shielding eyes from the blazing sun.
  8. Spend the duration of the picnic trying to eat while simultaneously keeping napkins and paper plates from blowing away.
  9. Spend the duration of the picnic trying to eat while constantly swatting at flies.
  10. Frantically pack everything up when the rain starts.
  11. Drive away from the wilderness.
  12. On the way home, stop at the Wendy’s drive-through to get some food.
Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Picnic

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s