Yard Sale

  1. The process of spending a week carefully categorizing and pricing items that will all ultimately sell for 25¢ each
  2. A tedious way of making $67
  3. A long, complicated pit-stop for junk on its way to the landfill

Usage Example: “Do you think 75¢ will be enough to get a living room set at the yard sale?”

Background: Many people decide to remove junk from their homes through excessive and complicated acts of torture. These acts include:

  1. Spending at least a week carefully selecting, cleaning and organizing junk
  2. Spending many hours researching values and assigning prices to the junk that will ultimately be ignored by everyone
  3. Spending a Saturday in the rain, watching carefully priced and organized junk sit in a driveway
  4. Giving the priced and organized junk one final ride to Goodwill or the landfill

When these acts of torture are combined, they form a process known as a “yard sale.”

A major challenge of holding a yard sale is dealing with yard sale negotiations. Yard sale negotiations generally follow the same pattern. Here is an example:

Buyer: “How much for the recliner?”

Seller: “Twenty-five dollars.”

Buyer: “I’ll give you a quarter for it.”

Seller: “I’ll take $20, but I can’t really go much lower than that.”

Buyer: “I have a quarter.”

Seller: “It’s late in the day… I’ll take $10 for it.”

Buyer: “Will you take a quarter?”

Seller: “Seriously? It’s a piece of furniture… How about $5?”

Buyer: “I have a pickup truck and can haul it away right now. I’ll give you a quarter for it.”

Seller: “Fine. A quarter.”

There are easier ways to dispatch excess junk, but only a yard sale can turn your junk into 52 hours of work and a cool $73.

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