History Channel

  1. American basic cable channel created to explain that all historical events were probably caused by aliens
  2. American basic cable channel created to teach history by focusing on the inner workings of a Las Vegas pawn shop

Usage Example: “I would watch the History Channel, but I’d like to learn something about history.”

Background: History Channel programming occasionally focuses on historical events. These historical events include the time Chumlee paid too much for fake Gibson guitar and how aliens were probably involved in Nazi Germany, the works of Leonardo da Vinci and everything else that ever happened.

History Channel investigative reporters dig deep into historical events, to decide how much of an impact aliens had on them. In schools, history textbooks only dedicate two or three chapters (at most) to aliens. The History Channel is doing a great service by dedicating approximately twenty hours each day to the topic.

It is also a very common practice for schools to teach history by studying annoying, family-owned pawn shops. The History Channel perfected this method by choosing a pawn shop run by the most annoying family, placed in the fakest situations.

In spite of all this, the History Channel isn’t all Pawn Stars and Ancient Aliens. It’s also Cajun Pawn Stars, Pawnography, and Hangar 1: The UFO Files… So, I guess the History Channel is all Pawn Stars and Ancient Aliens… with a side of Ax Men and American Pickers.

The Onion was right, the History Channel does repeat itself.

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