Paleo Diet

  1. Optimal diet for those long woolly mammoth hunts
  2. Perfect excuse to avoid eating fruitcake

Usage Example: “The Paleo Diet gives me the energy that I need to invent fire and outrun saber-toothed tigers.”

Background: At some point in our recent history, we decided that cavemen were healthy… really healthy. In fact, they were probably the healthiest people who ever lived. They may have all died at the age of 20, but if they hadn’t been killed by animals or the elements, they probably would have lived to be 150 years old. This is the basic concept behind the Paleo Diet.

Developers of the Paleo Diet realized that a full three months had passed since the last “new diet plan” was introduced, so the market was long overdue for the next miracle diet.

After watching an old episode of The Flintstones, developers noticed that Fred followed a caveman variation of the Atkins Diet. This diet allowed him to work long hours and still slide effortlessly down the back of a brontosaurus after work. This inspirational event led to at least three hours of development in which they asked themselves the question: “What would cavemen eat?”

In spite of the fact that mammoth meat is expensive and difficult to find, the Paleo Diet exploded in popularity. The Paleo Diet allowed people to finally live out their lifelong dreams of being frightened hunter-gatherers. The success of this diet is an excellent sign for the developers of the Great Depression Diet and the Dark Ages Cleanse.

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