Cookie Butter

  1. Spreadable, pulverized cookies mixed with oils, creating a creamy delivery method for Type 2 diabetes
  2. A “hard butter” that users normally try after experimenting with gateway butters like Nutella
  3. A real thing

Usage Example: “The doctor says that my cookie butter levels are too high.”

Background: Cookie butter is a real thing. A really, real thing. This sugary, oily substance burst into the American consciousness as one of the more recent players in the now tightly packed butter market.

Figure 1 - Cookie Butter (Image credit: Trader Joe's)

Figure 1 – Cookie Butter (Image credit: Trader Joe’s)

The history of butters is complex. First, humans churned milk to form butter. Later, they created apple butter and peanut butter. After the invention of peanut butter, there were no new butters created for many years. However, in recent years there has been a butter renaissance. At the beginning of this explosion of new butters, other nuts were pulverized and substances like cashew butter and almond butter gained popularity.

Most butters created up to this point offered some level of nutritional value. However, everything changed with the next butter. The gateway butter for cookie butter is a substance called “Nutella”. Nutella is basically chocolate butter. It is a chocolate spread with a few pulverized hazelnuts in it, to con the public into thinking that it is a somewhat healthy-ish substance. But Nutella isn’t fooling anyone.

After more and more people experimented with chocolate butter, the door was opened for a butter that made no excuses for its bold lack of nutrition: cookie butter. Cookie butter is made by pulverizing cookies and adding oil until the desired consistency is reached. These viscous, oily cookies can be eaten with a spoon, mixed with ice cream or made into Nutella and cookie butter sandwiches. Cookie butter is an important part of any weight gain program.

For now, the world can enjoy cookie butter while it eagerly awaits the arrival Twinkie butter, Sour Patch Kids butter and marshmallow butter… Oh, Wait… We already have marshmallow butter.

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One thought on “Cookie Butter

  1. This is as disgusting as raw cookie dough stirred into ice cream (I’m lookin’ at you, Ben and Jerry’s.) If you can’t make yourself a decent batch of dark chocolate bourbon fudge to satisfy the call of insulin, stay out of the kitchen.

    Liked by 1 person

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