Sweet Potato

  1. Starchy and slightly sweet root vegetable struggling with acute dessert envy
  2. Vegetable currently awaiting trial on multiple counts of sugar trafficking

Usage Example: “We just can’t have sweet potatoes without marshmallows and five pounds of sugar!”

Background: Desserts enjoy a special status in the dining experience. Everyone looks forward to dessert, and the sweet potato wants a piece of that action.

The sweet potato isn’t happy with its vegetable status. It sees itself as a boring, second-rate side dish. These self-image problems are what caused the sweet potato to begin its career as a sugar mule.

The sweet potato first sought to gain a piece of the pie market by jumping into a pie shell and smuggling some of that white powder with it. Large amounts of sugar are often found in desserts, so this move was largely overlooked. Sweet potato pie gained a small following, but it wasn’t enough to satisfy the sweet potato.

The sweet potato had loftier goals. It wanted to break through the wall that divides the main course and dessert. It studied the case of the cranberry – a tart fruit that successfully managed to smuggle large amounts of sugar into the main course as “cranberry sauce”. However, the scope of sweet potato’s plan was unprecedented. The sweet potato devised a scheme to preempt dessert, by offering dessert during the main course. Sweet potato planned to enter a casserole, smuggle in large amounts of brown sugar and cover itself in candy. Eventually, it convinced marshmallow to play the role of candy.

The job was complete. Sweet potato had smuggled dessert into the main course, and almost no one noticed. However, sweet potato was eventually caught, and is facing multiple charges in connection with its sugar trafficking.

If convicted, sweet potato could face 10 years of confinement as those nasty, unsalted sweet potato chips.

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