Bit-O-Honey

  1. Dense filler product for candy bowls and Halloween bags
  2. Tool used to extract fillings and other dental work

Usage Example: “We filled the candy bowl yesterday, and we are already down to nothing but Bit-O-Honey and Mary Janes.”

Background: Bit-O-Honey possesses unparalleled staying power in all mixed-candy situations. By all reasonable accounts, Bit-O-Honey candy ceased production in 1945. Since that time, Bit-O-Honey candy has been fiercely avoided, but still manages to be included as a dense, filler product in some mixed candy bags. There have been no reliable accounts of human ingestion of Bit-O-Honey since 1991.

In the late 1970s, a contingent of American dentists unsuccessfully petitioned the FDA to classify Bit-O-Honey as a dental tool. This petition claimed that Bit-O-Honey could quickly extract dental work. However, this claim was dismissed due to a lack of evidence. No evidence was collected, since no one was willing to actually eat Bit-O-Honey as part of a research study.

Individuals who are desperate enough to taste Bit-O-Honey will notice an unsettling fibrous texture to the otherwise rock-hard and impossibly chewy block. This texture is not only a result of the sawdust in the product, but is also due to the inescapable fact that 50% of the wrapper will stick to the candy every time it is opened.

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