Red Velvet Cake

  1. A popular delivery vessel for smuggling large amounts of Red #40 into human digestive systems
  2. Overrated platform for cream cheese frosting

Usage Example: “Have you tried the Red Velvet Donuts at the Red Velvet Cake food truck downtown? They’re incredible!”

Background: A few years ago, America collectively decided that Red Velvet cake was good…so good that it needed to be on every restaurant menu and forced into countless other unsuspecting foods: from artisanal red velvet pancakes and waffles, to red velvet dog food. What was previously a fringe dessert, floundering in a sea of Red #40, had somehow washed ashore as the hottest dessert around.

In reality, red velvet cake is a bland chocolate-like cake, drenched in a gallon of red food dye. This whole mess is then covered up with cream cheese frosting.

Soon, red velvet cake will fall from it’s lofty perch atop the hipster food fad mountain, and everyone can stop pretending that it is actually good.

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